Falling into Us Read online
“Aren’t you afraid?”
He nodded. “Hell, yes. I have no problem admitting I’m afraid. I’m nervous. I don’t know what we’re doing…what to do. I’ve heard it might hurt you, and I don’t want that. I just…I want it to be perfect, since it’s our first time, for both of us and as a couple. And I just…I love you, and I don’t want to mess anything up. ”
I rested my head against his chest, feeling his hands caress my shoulders, my back. I liked having his hands on my skin; it was soothing, relaxing, calming…and erotic. He had full access to all of me like this. A flick of his hands, and I’d be naked. His hands made me forget my fears and accentuated them all at once. So confusing.
He just held me, smoothing his palms over my spine, my shoulder blades, my arms. I breathed, forcing myself to relax.
“Do you want to leave, Becca?” His voice was soft, concerned.
I shook my head against his chest. “No. I don’t. ”
“You’re sure?” I nodded again. “Then kiss me,” he said, touching my chin.
I tilted my face up to his, lightly pressed my lips to kiss him. It was gentle, hesitant, almost chaste at first. Then his hands skated over my back, traced the line of my bra strap, descended lower to the small of my back. I gasped into his mouth at his increasingly hungry touch. I pressed closer to him, feeling myself squish against his chest. His hands arced into the sway of my back and over my ass, cupping, holding, and god…so perfect. I felt a hesitation in his kiss, and then he slipped his fingers under the fabric of my underwear, against my skin, skimming over my hips first and pushing my panties down. I stopped kissing him but left my lips against his, opened my eyes and gazed into his bright green stare.
He pushed my panties farther down, then slid his palms around to touch my bare flesh, and I closed my eyes in a drawn-out blink. My hands were on his shoulders, where they always seemed to gravitate during a kiss. I matched his action, carving my hands down his arms to his waist, his hips, then to the cool hardness of his backside and clutched it, kneaded it, explored it while he did the same to me.
We were acclimating to each other’s touch, the feel of naked skin. It was a slow introduction to completed nakedness. I’d only touched his man part—I nearly snorted out loud as I thought that silly, girly phrase in my own head. I wondered what to call it. I backed away from him and put my hand on his chest and drew a line downward, stopping just above it.
Then I grasped it, bold and sudden, and met his startled gaze. “What do you call this?”
“What?” He was confused by the question.
I slid my palm down him a bit and then back up. “This…what word do you use?”
He shrugged. “I don’t really refer to it much. ” He glanced up and to the left as he thought, then flicked his gaze back to me. “If I have to use a word for it, I usually use the word ‘cock,’ I guess. Why?”
I lifted my shoulder a little. “Just curious. I couldn’t decide. I don’t like most of the words for it. ”
He laughed. “I don’t, either. Usually, to be honest, it’s just ‘it. ’” He took my hand and drew it away from him, from his “it. ” “You gotta let go, or this will be over before it starts. ”
I went back to caressing his bu**ocks. “I can touch you here, right?”
He blushed, and it was adorable. “Yeah, if you want. I like it. ”
He shrugged, his hands resting on my hips. “Yeah. ” He slid his palms around to my backside. “Do you like this?”
I nodded, never taking my gaze from his. “Yes, I do. A lot. ” I still had my underwear partially on, which felt silly, so I wiggled out of them. “Now what?”
I let him guide me backward until my knees hit the edge of the bed, and I sat down, letting his body wedge my knees apart. His green gaze never wavered from mine as I scooted backward across the mattress, Jason following me. He reached past me and jerked the blankets and sheet away, and then I was on my back against the pile of pillows, Jason above me, my heart pounding, my nerves racing and my pulse thrumming and my skin singing and his hands sliding up my thighs.
I swallowed hard as he hovered above me. Everything inside me was at war. I wanted this so badly. I was terrified, I was eager, I was feeling sexy and desired, yet awkward and unsure. Jason paused, then swore under his breath. He was off the bed before I could ask him what the problem was, digging into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out a string of condoms.
Oh. Oh, god. That made it all the more real. It was really going to happen, if I didn’t chicken out first.
He set them on the nightstand and slid onto the bed next to me, rather than above me. I traced the curve of his pectoral muscle. “I started birth control,” I said.
He seemed shocked. “You did?”
I nodded. “Yeah. My cousin Maria took me to a clinic last week. So…I’m protected, even without those. ”
“Should we use them anyway?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably? Just to be…extra sure?”
He nodded, and his fingers slid along my hipbone, over my stomach and up between my br**sts. “Before this goes any further, I just wanted to tell you…I love you. ”
I smiled, the wall of nerves and fear melting a bit. “I love you, too. How’d you know I needed to hear that?”
His index finger followed the swell of my breast. “I guess I just wanted you to hear it, to know how I felt before we got…involved in things, so you’d know I wasn’t just saying it in the heat of things, you know? That I really feel it. I really love you. ”
I tipped my body closer to his, trying desperately to mimic his sense of comfort with his own nudity. I wanted to cover up, to pull the blankets over my body, to cross my arms over my br**sts and my legs over my privates. I didn’t, though. I summoned all my courage and let him see all of me. His gaze raked down over my body, over my br**sts and hips, my legs, and then to the “V” between my thighs.
I called up the memory of how it had felt to have him touch me there, how the detonation within me had felt. It would be worth all this awkwardness to feel that again. There was no question of that.
“Kiss me, Jason. ”
He leaned into me, his lips gently settling on mine, tenderly seeking out my response. I opened my mouth to his, let my tongue explore his lips, his teeth, letting my own hunger overtake me. It wasn’t enough to erase my doubts and fears, but it was enough to let me go on despite them. His palm cupped my hipbone, tilted my body so I was flat against the bed and he hovered over me from the side, his mouth never leaving mine. My thighs were pressed tight together, and when his fingers trailed over the hollow of leg and hip, I unconsciously clamped them tighter together. His hand slid down my thigh, over the quadricep and to my knee, dipped down between my legs and began a slow path upward, trailing fire along my skin. I forced my thighs to loosen as his touch rose upward, closer and closer. I called the memory of his touch into my mind, pushed out the doubt. I made myself touch him, and then let myself get lost in the heat of his skin, the hardness of his muscles, let myself enjoy the feel of his body under my hand. I touched him everywhere I could reach, except there. Lying down in a bed, his body bare against mine…the reality of imminent sex was overwhelming, and I wasn’t sure I was ready suddenly. I didn’t want to stop his touch, though. The callused pads of his index and middle fingers were at the juncture of my thighs, and I was shaking all over, panting, our kiss broken. I felt his eyes on me, and I knew I was still clamped down too hard for him to touch me properly. I had to loosen up or put a stop to the whole thing.
“Are you sure about this, Becca? We can stop. ” His voice was low, close to my ear.
Somehow his words, so concerned, so genuine, made me determined to experience this. I didn’t want to let him down. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want this. I wasn’t sure, not one hundred percent; I was mostly sure, an