Falling into You Read online

Page 5

He backed me up against the bed and I crawled backward, feeling the pound of nerves resume as Kyle followed me.

  “Are you—” Kyle started.

  I interrupted him. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m nervous and scared, but I want it more than I’m scared. ” I bit my lip, then admitted, “I’m on birth control. I got it a week ago, just in case. ”

  Kyle’s eyes widened. “You did? Why didn’t you tell me. ”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…it never felt like the right time. I was embarrassed, I guess. ”

  Kyle slid off the bed and dug his wallet out of his suit coat, withdrew two condoms and set them on the table beside the bed. “I got those. ”

  “Are you sure?” I asked him. He seemed nervous, now.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. Like you said, I’m a little nervous. I mean, I don’t want to hurt you, or do anything wrong. ”

  “You won’t do anything wrong. You won’t hurt me. Just…we’ll go slow, okay?”

  He nodded, then ripped open the condom and rolled it over himself.

  He knelt over me, his hands on either side of my face, knees between mine, eyes locked on me, searching me.

  I pulled him toward me and rested my hands on his back, then leaned up to kiss him. The heat of the kiss erased both of our fears, or eased them, at least. He moved into me, slowly.

  I felt stretched, then a pinch, sharp and quick. I winced, and Kyle froze. His breathing was ragged already, and I could feel tension in his muscles. I was biting my lip hard now, feeling the pricking pain ease and the wonder of foreign fullness take over. I touched his backside, pulled him against me, encouraging him to move.

  It wasn’t long before he stilled, groaning.

  There were no fireworks, no screaming, no wild sweaty thrashing, but it was still amazing.

  Kyle got up, disappeared into the bathroom, and came back. I cradled my head against his chest. Minutes passed in silence. His body felt hard and hot beneath me, and the feeling of being held by him this way, naked skin against naked skin, was almost better than what had gone before.

  I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and drip onto Kyle’s chest. I wasn’t sure where the tear had come from, or what it meant. I blinked, trying to keep back the others that threatened, not wanting Kyle to think I hadn’t enjoyed it.

  “Are you crying?” Kyle asked.

  I nodded, and let the tears spill. “It’s…I’m not upset or anything. Just emotional. ”

  “Emotional how?”

  I shrugged. “It’s hard to explain. I’m not a virgin anymore. We can’t go back, now. Not that I’d want to take it back, because it was a wonderful experience. But…it’s a big deal, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. ”

  I tilted my head up to look at him. “I love you, Kyle. ”

  “I love you too. ”

  The second time was incredible. I felt a fire blossom low in my belly, a feeling like I might explode, or implode. I’d brought myself past that point on my own, obviously, but this was different.

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  I wondered what it would be like to be brought to that point with Kyle.

  Chapter 4: A Proposal; A Tree Falls

  August, Two Years Later

  If our parents knew that Kyle and I were having frequent sex, they didn’t say or do anything about it. We were careful of when and where we did it, of course. Kyle’s mom had started going to a scrapbooking club two or three evenings a week, and his dad was in Washington much of the year, so we spent a lot of time in his room. My mom was home more frequently, as was my dad, but they didn’t seem to care how much time I spent with Kyle at his house. Of course, we claimed to be studying, doing homework, or watching movies most of the time. We did do those things, just not as much as we led my parents to believe.

  We’d both turned eighteen the previous week. Our parents had decided, instead of giving us an extravagant party, they’d let us go up to Kyle’s family’s cabin on the lake up north for the weekend. We’d been petitioning for this all summer, and they’d hesitated, telling us they’d think about it. We’d almost given up on the idea when our parents called a meeting with us.

  “You guys are eighteen now, and legally adults,” Kyle’s dad said by way of introduction. “You two have been dating for what, two years now? We know what this trip of yours means, and we get it. We were young once too. ”

  Everyone shifted awkwardly at the implication.

  “Yes, well. ” Kyle’s dad cleared his throat and continued in his stentorian congressman’s voice. “The point is, we’ve decided to allow you to make this trip together. Now. The hard part. I realize this is tricky and uncomfortable for everyone, but it must be said. You’re young adults now, and capable of making your own decisions. We’ve raised you well, raised you to be smart young people capable of making good decisions. I know we’ve spoken about this before to each of you, as parents, but I believe it must be said to you both together as a couple. ”

  “Just say it, Dad,” Kyle sighed.

  “We’ve spoken of being careful. Of using protection. ” Kyle and I exchanged glances but kept silent. “I am a public figure, as is your father, Nell. It is imperative that you take this seriously. I cannot afford scandal at this point in my career. There’s talk of nominating me for the presidential race in two years, and I know I don’t need to remind you how important image is in such a situation. ”

  “Dad, we’re careful,” Kyle said. “I promise. We’re protected. ”

  My parents were staring hard at me, so I felt the need to speak up. “I’m on birth control, okay? I have been since we…you know, started. And we use protection. No unplanned pregnancies here, okay? Can we stop talking about this now, please?”

  “God, that would be great,” Kyle muttered.

  “How long has this been going on?” my dad asked.

  Kyle and I exchanged glances again.

  “I don’t know if that’s important or not, sir,” Kyle said.

  “Of course it’s important,” Dad said, his voice gruff and threatening, fixing Kyle with his sternest CEO-glare. “She’s my daughter. How long?”

  I was glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of that look; it was scary as hell.

  Kyle lifted his chin and squared his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Mr. Hawthorne, but I really feel like that’s between Nell and me. ” Kyle stood up, and I stood with him, and of course everyone else followed suit. Kyle addressed my father once more. “I haven’t discussed my relationship with Nell with any of my friends, and with all due respect, sir, I’m not going to discuss it with you. It’s private. ”

  My father nodded and extended his hand to Kyle, and they shook. “Good answer, son. I don’t like it, because that means it’s probably been going on longer than I care to think about. But I do respect you for keeping your business private. Protecting my baby’s reputation and all that. ”

  Kyle nodded. “I love your daughter, sir. I’d never do anything to hurt her, or embarrass her. Or you guys and my parents. ”

  I threaded my fingers through Kyle’s, proud of him. My dad could be intimidating. I’d gone with Dad to work a few times recently, as I was planning on majoring in business at Syracuse, and I’d seen him use that same hard glare and gruff voice on his employees. Invariably, the unfortunate person on the receiving end had been quaking in their boots and had fairly tripped over themselves to do exactly as my dad asked. Glancing at Mr. Calloway, I could see he was proud of Kyle too for the way he’d handled the situation.

  We discussed our plans briefly, and then Kyle and I were dismissed to pack. When we were alone in my room, Kyle slumped back on my bed, scrubbing his face with his hands.

  “Holy shit, Nell. Your dad is scary. ”

  I knelt astride him, leaning down to kiss him. “I know he is. I’ve seen grown-ass men almost piss themselves when Dad does that. ” I bit his chin lightly. “I’m proud of you, baby. You d