A Real Goode Time Page 13

  “Way, way, way bigger.” I whispered, then. “Like, I’m a little scared of it. And he’s not the biggest guy either. He’s ripped, but not, like, huge.”

  “Honestly, those are the guys who seem to have the biggest packages. I never go for the big beefy body builders, because for one thing I don’t like that look, but also because in my experience, it’s the guys who don’t look it that have big dicks.” She laughed. “And they tend to be freaky, too.”

  “Well, you have way more experience than me, so I’ll take your word for it.”

  “My word is that you should just sort of see what happens. Don’t rush things or force them with him, but don’t fight it either.” A brief pause. “But you have to tell him, and before anything happens.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said. “That’s part of what worries me. What if we sleep together and it’s amazing and I fall for him, and then he goes back to Connecticut and I go to Alaska? I’ve never had my heart broken, and I don’t want my first time to be what breaks my heart.”

  “If you get your heart broken, we’ll be there for you. Your sisters and mom will be there for you. You’ll survive it. Getting your heart broken fucking blows chunks, not gonna lie. But you’ll get over it. It’s part of life. And you can’t go around avoiding what could be amazing experiences because you’re afraid of getting hurt. You’ll never do anything, never experience anything that way.”

  “That sounds like me: a virgin at almost twenty-one, never left Connecticut, no career, no hobby, no passion. Because I’ve never dared to try anything.”

  “I know I was against this trip of yours, but this is a different situation now, babe. I’d say go for it. Be careful. Be alert. Trust your gut if something feels wrong. Call us every night. But go for it. And if things happen, go with it. And call me right after!”

  “Yeah, I will. The moment he finishes, I’ll call you.”

  “Not what I meant, but if you want to, sure.” She laughed. “I wouldn’t mind a look at his peepee.”

  “Leighton. Come on.”

  “I’m your inappropriate best friend. Gotta live up to the name.” A laugh. “Oh! Did you ever talk to Max?”

  I hissed. “Crap. No. I feel awful. I never even told him I was leaving.”

  “Well, technically, you haven’t. You’re still in Connecticut.”

  “True.” I sighed. “We’re leaving soon, though, so I’ll call him later. He’ll understand.”

  “Be gentle with him, Torie. He likes you. He knows you’ll never fall for him, but he still has feelings for you. And he’s a cute little guy.”

  “That’s demeaning.”

  “Because messing around with him but refusing to have sex with him isn’t? That’s the ultimate tease!”

  “I told him if it was too hard for him to live with that, we should stop messing around. He said no, he’d take what he could get with me, and he understood.”

  “Because he was hoping you’d change your mind.”

  “Shit.” I slapped my forehead. “You’re probably right. Well, in that case, this is for the best. But I’ll be gentle.”

  “I’m at work, so I gotta go.”

  “Yeah, me too. Thanks, Ley.”

  “It’s what best friends are for. And for real, fill me in if anything hot happens. You know I’m a dirty voyeur.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Talk to you later.”

  I wanted to put off talking to Max, which was all the more reason to call him now. As usual, he let it ring for a long time before answering, and when he did, it was distracted, because he was either playing a game or coding, or both.

  “Hey, T,” he said. “I was gonna call you. I’m almost done with a big project and I’ll have some free time, if you wanna come over. I kinda want to watch Akira again, if you’re interested.”

  I laughed, because we’d watched that so many times I could quote it. “Actually, I’m calling for a different reason. Um…can I get your full attention for a minute?”

  I knew if I didn’t ask, he’d be only partially focused on what I was saying and would miss some, if not all of what I was saying.

  A pause, buttons clicking, and then a clatter as he tossed his controller down on his coffee table—I knew him so well I could see it in my mind’s eye. In three, two, one…

  “Okay, I’m focused,” he said, on cue, with a sigh as he flopped to his couch—he played standing up, bouncing from foot to foot, full agitated energy.

  “No way to ease into this, so I’m just gonna say it. I’m leaving Connecticut.”

  A silence.

  “Um…like, for good? You’re moving? When? Where? Why?”

  “Well, it’s more of a trip right now—Lexie is getting married up in Alaska, and I have to go up for the wedding. And, honestly, I have a feeling I’ll end up staying there. Everyone but me and Poppy live there, and…I miss Mom and my sisters, and to be brutally honest, my life here is going nowhere fast. So I’m not like one hundred percent certain I’m moving, but it’s a good likelihood.”

  “Wow.” He needed a moment or two to process and figure out how to express himself. “Will I get to see you before you go?”

  I felt a lump in my throat. “Um, no, actually. I’m about to leave right now.”

  “Oh.”

  “Max, I…”

  He cleared his throat. “It’s cool. I understand. I’m not very good with emotions or goodbyes, so emotional goodbyes are the worst.” He was silent a moment. “But then, fuck that. We’ve been friends since second grade and I get a phone call when you move away forever? Harsh, T.”

  “Max—”

  “Be honest, Torie.”

  I gulped. “Fine. I’m avoiding you. I’m avoiding the goodbye. You and me—what we do, it’s…I…I’ve enjoyed it. It’s been fun. But…you want the truth? The truth is I know you have feelings for me and I won’t ever share them, Max. You’ve been my best friend, and I love you as friends, and yes, there’s a level of physical attraction to you. But…Max, it had to end. We couldn’t keep messing around like we were. It had to either be more, or less. And it was never going to be more. And that’s not—it’s not because of anything you are or aren’t as a person. You’re amazing, and I—”

  “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met, Victoria. I’ve taken your scraps of affection and attention. I’ve waited. I’ve hoped. I’ve taken what I can get. And I’ve always known it would never be anything more, but I guess I’ve always held out hope that…I don’t know, honestly.”

  “That I’d never find anyone and get desperate enough to settle for you?”

  He huffed, somewhere between bitter and hurt. “Yeah, basically.”

  “You deserve better, Max. Better than waiting for some dumb girl to get desperate enough to settle for you. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “But I was convenient and safe.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Dunno how I feel about that.”

  “Can I give you my honest opinion as your best friend and as a woman?”

  He sighed. “Yeah, please do.”

  “Don’t wait. When a girl comes along that you like, that you’re hot for, don’t wait. Don’t hope. Don’t take what you can get with the lowest hanging fruit, which is what I was, for you. You’re better looking than you know. You’re a good person. You’re sweet and funny, and you deserve someone who really likes you and wants to be with you, not just someone who was using you because you were safe and convenient.”

  He laughed. “You say that, now. But I get your meaning.” He let out a slow sigh. “I let it happen, Torie. I knew what the score was between us, and I stuck around for it. So don’t, like, get all ‘I’m such a villain for using Max,’ okay? I let you. I knew you’d never love me. And honestly, it was sort of the same for me. You were safe. I knew you didn’t love me, but you liked me, and you liked hanging out with me and you put up with my stupid anime shows. So…you were a safe, convenient way for me to get to touch some boobies and get my
penis touched without having to deal with yucky, awkward garbage emotions, because I knew as long as I could ignore the fact that I’m in love with you, it would just be cheap, convenient quasisexual fun. And, being a guy skilled at ignoring and suppressing inconvenient emotions, I was easily able to just go along with what you were offering for as long as things went on.”

  “So, what you’re saying is I shouldn’t feel bad for using you because you were using me too?”

  “‘All right, we’ll call it a draw,’” he said, and I recognized the quote from his second-favorite movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

  “I will miss you, Max. And I’m sorry for avoiding you and saying goodbye to my oldest friend over the phone.”

  “You should feel a little bad about that,” he said. “But it’s okay. I get it. And I was serious when I said it’s probably for the best because I’m not good with goodbyes or emotions, much less emotional goodbyes.”

  “So…” The lump was hot and hard to swallow, harder to talk around. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

  “Which is why you were avoiding doing it.”

  “Right,” I whispered. “I’ll miss you, Maximillian. Goodbye.”

  “I’ll miss you too, Victoria. Send me a postcard from Alaska.”

  Silence.

  “You sure I can’t convince you to swing by for one last bowl and a handie?”

  I laughed. “Max.”

  “Had to try.” He sighed. “I’m hanging up now. Bye, T. Be safe.”

  “Bye, Max,” I whispered, but he’d already hung up.

  I sat in silence for a bit, absorbing the reality of that whole situation.

  I went inside, after a few minutes, leaving my bag on the step. Rhys was pouring coffee into a pair of beat-up travel mugs.

  He grinned at me, a quick, easy, familiar grin. “Hey. Good talk?”

  “Yeah, it was Leighton. Wanted to run a few things by her.” I decided to keep my talk with Max private, for now.

  “Like if this road trip with me is a terrible idea?”

  I frowned. “Were you eavesdropping?”

  “No!” he laughed, holding up both hands. “I wasn’t, I swear.”

  “Because that’s exactly what we talked about.”

  “And? What was her advice?”

  “Well, honestly, she said to go for it. You seem like a good and decent guy, so she said just be careful and listen to my gut if anything feels off.”

  “So, I have her somewhat conditional blessing?”

  “Yeah. Just don’t rape and murder me.”

  “Not sure how I’m supposed to answer that. Nothing could be further from my mind.”

  I smiled at him. “I wouldn’t be going with you if I didn’t know you were such a good person. And, I wouldn’t have slept here if I’d had any reservations about you.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way, because you are safe with me.” He hesitated. Swallowed. “You’re safe with me, Torie. I may make stupid and inappropriate comments sometimes, but…I heard what you said about not starting anything, and I respect that. So…you’re safe in that sense, too. We’re just two friends on a road trip.”

  “I…” I trailed off, unsure what I wanted to say.

  I was so confused. I didn’t want to be that safe with him, not in that sense. Maybe I’d overstated my case.

  Maybe I wanted him to take a chance. To push me a little.

  Maybe my fear was getting in my way. Maybe I was holding on to my virginity a little too tightly. Maybe…maybe I had built it up into this…THING. The right person, the right time, the right situation. Not to mention that word I used so much: MEANINGFUL.

  Maybe I should loosen up a bit. Let myself explore my own desires and just see what happens.

  “I don’t mind the inappropriate comments so much,” I whispered. “And I’m…I don’t know. I’m just doing a lot of thinking.”

  “Anything you want to share?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet.” What a lie that was—I wanted to share a lot of things with Rhys.

  Like, for example, the fact that I really wanted him.

  Like, the fact that I was very much reconsidering my vow to not let anything happen with him.

  What I was not so sure about was sharing the issue of my virginity.

  I bet that would send him running for the hills.

  I AM SO CONFUSED.

  What do I want?

  What should I do?

  I had no clue.

  Rhys and I took one final look around the loft then went downstairs and tossed our bags into the back of his Jeep. He locked up his shop, and we headed out on our road trip.

  And I, for the first time in my life, left Connecticut.

  With a man I’d met two days ago…

  To whom I was seriously considering giving my virginity.

  Rhys

  I wonder if I should tell her I’d seen her and heard her this morning?

  I’m hyperaware of Torie. At all times. Every moment, even asleep, I know where she is. I can just…feel her.

  So, this morning, I knew when she was sleeping, and I knew the moment she woke up. I felt her watching me.

  I felt her desire. It was palpable.

  For her sake, I pretended to be unaware of her attention. I also pretended to be grooving to my music when, in fact, I had it turned down low.

  I heard her roll over and thought okay, fine, she’s going back to sleep. Right?

  Maybe she thought she was being super quiet, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just extra observant. I don’t know that either. I just know I turned around to grab a plate for the bacon, and I saw her. She was laying on her side, knees drawn up, and the blanket was moving slightly. Rhythmically. And her breathing was…hitched. Tensed. Suppressed. Quickening, tightening. I watched her shoulders round, heard the tiniest, high-pitched whimper—Torie orgasming.

  Mere feet away from me.

  Thinking I was oblivious.

  She’d have gotten away with it too, if I enjoyed loud music. I just have sensitive ears, and being around roaring engines all day every day, my hearing is already somewhat lessened, which means I just keep the music low to preserve my hearing. So, I heard her.

  And now I know what she sounds like when she comes, and I want to be the one to make her come.

  I heard the doubt in her voice, earlier, when she said she didn’t mind my comments. She wasn’t sure about her commitment to us not hooking up. Her desire for me was obvious, but her reluctance, nerves, even fear, was just as obvious. And I wasn’t about to mess with that fear, that reluctance. If her sexual desire overcame whatever was holding her back, great. I’d be all over that, and ready to make her feel better than she’s ever felt. But I’m not pushing her into something she’s not ready for, or doesn’t fully want.

  It made for big emotional, mental stress. Because damn, I wanted that girl. And everything about her made me want her more—her body, her tumultuous sexuality and the innocence which was at odds with it…her intelligence, her humor, the way she waffled between sometimes being unfiltered and opinionated, and other times shy and reluctant to open up.

  Everything she was as a person, not just her body, made me crazy with desire. And shit yeah, I wanted that too. In the worst way. Now, having had such tantalizing glimpses of her body and her sexuality, that desire went to another level.

  The fact that she was willing and daring enough to masturbate in the same room with me? It spoke of a potent libido. Possibly an underserved one—and by possibly, I mean definitely. What that meant, I wasn’t sure. She was a gorgeous single young girl, with an incredible body, an active, agile mind, a sharp sense of humor, and a healthy dose of independence. Why should she be under-sexed?

  It made no sense to me: she should have men lining up to please her.

  The first few minutes of our drive were in companionable silence, the radio off, the windows down. It was still a fairly cool morning, so I’d left the top up for now, figuring we’d put it down aft
er lunch. One of the upgrades I’d done to this Jeep was replacing the old, worn factory soft top with a new aftermarket one that folded back simply and easily.

  As we left the area outside New Haven where I lived, we faced a choice of routes. I glanced at Torie. “So, there’s two ways we can go from here to get you on the way to Alaska. Either go south and through the States, under the Great Lakes and then north, or we go up through Canada. Choice is yours.”

  She frowned at me. “I’ve never been anywhere, so I don’t know which is better? I’ve never seen anything but New Haven, and New York City a couple times, but that’s it. For all intents and purposes, I’ve never left Connecticut. So it makes more sense to me for you to pick which route to take.”

  I nodded. “A good point.” I thought it over. “I was planning on taking the route through the States, but I wanted to give you the option. Canada is a different country, but that may be an experience for another time.”

  “Makes sense to me.” She glanced at me, but then away again. “Plus, when it’s time for you to turn around and go back home, it might be better for me to be in the States to find a means of transportation the rest of the way.”

  A niggling worm of discomfort sat in my belly at the idea of just…leaving Torie at a bus stop somewhere in the middle of, like, North Dakota or somewhere. It’s not like I could go all the way to fuckin’ Alaska.

  Right?

  Of course not.

  “States route it is, then,” was all I said, and guided us toward the freeway. I had the route pulled up on my phone, but it was pretty simple once we were on the freeway, so I didn’t use it to actively navigate us. I’d probably turn it on when it was Torie’s turn to drive, since she’d never driven any real distance on a freeway.

  Another long period of silence as we took I-95 south toward New York. I was fine with the silence, and I think she was, too. We went past Stamford and Greenwich, and then New Rochelle, and then we were making the transition through the Bronx and over the river to I-80.

  By this time, it was obvious Torie had something on her mind. I waited it out a bit longer, though. Maybe she just needed some time to think.