Falling into Us Read online

I leaned back in the seat and laughed, remembering. “You looked so hot in that dress, Becca. I literally had a hard-on the entire night. ”

  “What’d you end up doing with that shirt?”

  I grinned sheepishly. “I actually stopped at a McDonalds and threw it away. ”

  She giggled. “I wondered about that, since I never saw that shirt again. ”

  We chatted aimlessly until we were pulling off the freeway and onto the highway that led to our hometown. “Do we have plans?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Nell is being difficult again. I want to get together with her, but she’s…she’s just not cooperating. We’re having lunch with Ben and Kate tomorrow. ”

  “Kate?”

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  “His girlfriend. ”

  I nodded. “So how is Nell not cooperating?”

  Becca answered in a calm enough voice, but she spoke facing the window, and she spoke slowly and enunciated the words carefully, which was a pretty good indicator as to how upset she was. “She just doesn’t seem to want to hang out. Every time I text her, she’s ‘busy. ’” Becca made air quotes with her fingers. “The last time I saw her, she was definitely drunk. ”

  “When was this?” I asked.

  “Over the holidays? You were at the gym, and I got her to stop by my parents’ house. She was so drunk, Jason. She stank of whiskey so bad it made me sick. She was s-scratching at her wrists again, too. ”

  “Was she driving?”

  Becca shook her head. “No, her mom dropped her off. ”

  “Her mom didn’t notice?”

  Becca had her hand over her mouth. “I guess n-not. ” The stammers were a precursor to tears, I was pretty sure; I pulled into the parking lot of a dive bar not yet open at 3 p. m. “I don’t know h-how she couldn’t tell, though. Like, I smelled it on her as soon as Nell walked in my room. I don’t know what her parents are d-doing, Jason. She’s getting worse every t-time I see her. It’s like she’s fading away or something. She’s going deeper and deeper into her s-self, and her parents aren’t doing a f**king th-thing to stop it! I love Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne, I do, you know I do. They were there for me when I was mad at my parents, but now Nell needs them and they’re…they’re burying their heads in the sand. And I just—I don’t know what to do. ”

  I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid across the bench to put my arms around her. “I don’t know either, Beck. She’s their daughter, and you’d think they’d do something. But…she’s eighteen, you know? What are they going to do? Ground her? Take away her car? From what you tell me, she barely leaves the house. If she’s refusing to see a therapist, how can they make her?”

  Becca nodded, sniffling. “I know, I know. I mean, unless she does something drastic like tries to kill herself, they can’t really forcibly admit her to a psych ward or something, and I’m not sure that wouldn’t do more harm than good. ” She was trying so hard to keep it together, and it hurt me to watch her hurting. “She’s my oldest friend, Jase. I love her, and I’m so worried about her. The arm-scratching thing really scares me. ”

  “What do you think it is?”

  I held her against my chest as she quietly cried. Eventually, she straightened up and sniffled, wiping underneath her eyes with a finger. “I don’t know. The obvious thing is drugs, but she’s not, like, twitchy or moody or anything. I saw that with Ben, so I kind of know what to look for. She’s not scary skinny like Ben got, either, so I don’t think it’s drugs. I just don’t know, but it scares me. ”

  “Well, maybe we can get to the bottom of it this summer,” I suggested.

  “Maybe. I hope so. ” Becca took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay, I’m okay. So where are you going to stay over the summer?”

  I’d stayed with her family over the Christmas holiday, sleeping in their basement on the most uncomfortable pull-out bed in the known universe. I wasn’t eager to repeat that experience. “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe I can find a summer job or something and get a short-term lease on an apartment. ”

  Becca glanced up at me. “I don’t know how you’d feel about this, but Ben has an apartment with his girlfriend Kate. I know they have a two-bedroom, but they’re only using one room. One of Kate’s friends was staying with them, but she moved out. If you got a job, they’d probably let you stay there if you helped with rent. It’d be better than my parents’ basement, that’s for sure. ”

  Her parents had warmed up to me a good bit, since it was clear I was responsible and loved their daughter. It didn’t hurt that her dad was a U of M fan and I could get him tickets for home games at a discount. They still didn’t entirely approve of me, or of her dating in general, I didn’t think, but they’d smartened up enough to know they couldn’t stop us from being together, and to try would be to alienate Becca. They’d let me stay at their house whenever we came back for weekend trips or holidays, but I had to stay in the basement, two full floors away from Becca. I think they knew I had a bad home life, and finally over the past Christmas holiday I’d explained that I wouldn’t be going back to my parents’ house ever again, due to “differences with my dad. ” I left it at that, and I was pretty sure Mr. de Rosa understood the context of what I wasn’t saying.

  I considered living with Ben and Kate over the summer, and the idea did hold certain merit. Becca could come over, and we could do what we wanted in relative freedom, whereas there was little to no opportunity for much of anything at her parents’ house. I didn’t know Ben all that well, but he seemed like a decent guy. I knew he was severely bipolar and had a history of drug abuse, but was currently going on a year sober and had worked at the same job for nearly two years, so he was doing better.

  “If Ben and Kate would let me stay with them, I’d stay there. It’d save my back some pain. ”

  Becca grinned. “You know you just want to be able to sleep with me without worrying about my parents. ”

  I nodded seriously. “Absolutely. That’s my top priority. I’m thoroughly addicted to you, Becca. If I don’t get a regular fix of your body, I might go into withdrawal. ”

  She didn’t bat an eyelash. “That’s a very serious condition. Maybe we should wean you off that addiction. ”

  I shook my head. “Oh, no. I’m happily addicted. I don’t have many vices, you know. I don’t really drink, don’t smoke, I’m not into partying or anything like that. But you? I’m very much into you. I wouldn’t give you up for anything. ”

  Becca nodded, touching her chin as if in thought. “Well, in that case, we’d better make sure you get your fix, Mr. Dorsey. I wouldn’t want you to go into withdrawal. ”

  I traced a line up her thigh, the supple flesh giving easily under my touch. “No, we wouldn’t want that. It’d be bad. ”

  She turned on the seat slightly. “What are the symptoms of withdrawal, just so I know what to look for?”

  I turned my hand to face palm up, following the seam of her yoga pants up her groin. The pants were so tight I could feel the lips of her privates through the thin cotton. She stifled a gasp as I found the spot I was looking for and massaged it through her pants.

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  “Well,” I said, “I tend to get cranky, that’s the first thing. I get really horny, and it’s hard for me to concentrate. ”

  She let her thighs fall apart a bit, eyes hooded and back pressed against the door. “I see. And what’s the best method of giving you a fix?”

  “I’m not particular. ”

  “So if you touched me, right here in this parking lot, that would help you?”

  I tilted my head back and forth in a “yes and no” kind of gesture. “Well, temporarily, it would. I mean, it’s been, what, three days since I had you last? We’ve been so busy studying there just hasn’t been time. And now I’ve got you where I want you. I might need more than that. ”

  “But it would be a start, wouldn’t it?” She took my hand, twisted on the seat so her back was nes
tled against my side, and slid my palm down her belly, under the elastic of her yoga pants. “What if I promised to return the favor however you wanted later?”

  “However I want?”

  She pushed my hand closer to her core, and I obliged her by slipping a finger into her.

  “Yes, yes. Anything. Name it. ”

  I sucked in a breath, finding her already wet. “God, Beck. You’re all ready for me, aren’t you?”

  She licked her lips and arched her back as I curled my two long middle fingers into her, finding her sweet spot, using the side of my thumb to massage her clit in a somewhat awkward but effective maneuver. “Yeah, I am. I was thinking about this all morning. I couldn’t concentrate on my last final because I kept thinking about that thing you did with your tongue on Wednesday. ”

  “You liked that, didn’t you?” In the two years we’d been together, we’d somehow never experimented with o**l s*x until fairly recently. When I first went down on her, it had been a little uncomfortable, but I’d gotten the hang of it and had gotten her to scream so loud my upstairs neighbor banged on the walls to shut us up. Becca had been mortified at herself, but I’d felt proud of myself for getting that kind of a reaction from her.

  Yeah, my baby was a screamer. I loved it. It was so unlike her, unlike the way she was all the rest of the time. She was normally demure and quiet and withdrawn, but once I got her clothes off and her juices flowing, she lost all her inhibitions. She had a hair trigger when it came to orgasms, and there didn’t seem to be any limit to how many times she could come, if only I had the stamina, self-control, and patience to keep all the attention on her. You’d never think it, but my quiet, hyper-intelligent, overachieving, rule-following girlfriend was a voracious, insatiable lover. I couldn’t keep up with her sometimes, it seemed.

  It was a good problem to have.

  Now, in a public parking lot at five o’clock on a Friday afternoon, I had her writhing in desperation as I slowly fingered her closer to climax. Within minutes, my fingers were coated in her slick, warm juices and she was breathless, clinging to my arm and gyrating her hips into my touch.

  She was biting her lip in an attempt to keep quiet, but I knew that wouldn’t last long. Her curls were coming loose from the ponytail, beads of sweat dotting her forehead. I slipped my hand down her neck, over her clavicle and under the hoodie. I tucked my fingers into her bra and tugged her breast free of the silk cup, twiddling her nipple into a diamond hardness. She shrieked then, and I tilted her face to mine, swallowing her screams of climax.

  My erection was hard against her back, and I knew she felt it, but she didn’t let on as she got her breathing under control.

  “God, Jason. That was intense. ” She righted herself, tucking the loose strands of hair back behind her ear.

  “Yeah, it was,” I agreed. “There’s not much I love more than watching you come. You know that?”

  She ducked her head, glancing around the empty parking lot, belatedly looking to see if anyone had seen us. “I’ve gathered that. You do it enough you’d think it would get old. ”

  I shook my head. “No. Never. It couldn’t ever get old. It’s hot as hell every time. It turns me on. ”

  She twisted in the seat, and a sly look floated into her eyes. “Oh, yeah? You’re horny now, aren’t you?”

  “Oh, yeah. ” I adjusted myself in my pants. “I’m aching for you. ”

  “Well, how about you drive, and I’ll return the favor. ”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what she had in mind, but I had an inkling. I put the truck in drive and put us on the road, then peeled away from the main highway onto a dirt back road that led in a wide curve. Sure enough, Becca unbuckled my seatbelt, unfastened my jeans, and pushed them down around my thighs, along with my boxers. I lifted up on the seat to allow them past my ass, and then Becca’s hands were around me and I had to put both hands on the wheel to keep it straight, slowing down to barely thirty miles per hour. She stroked me slowly, watching as I hardened even further under her touch, and then slicked her thumb over the tip as drops of clear liquid escaped. She slid one fist around me, up and then down, up and then down, switching hands as she adjusted her rhythm, slowing down and massaging my base, then squeezing the tip in her hand. Soon I was bucking my hips uncontrollably, wondering if she was going to let me make a mess all over the place or if she was going to do what I’d never dare ask her.

  “God…damn, Becca. I’m—I’m close. ”

  She smiled up at me, sank her fist around me down to the base, and then slid back on the bench and bent over me. “Then I suppose I’d better do something about that, shouldn’t I?”

  “Yeah, maybe you…maybe you should. ” I touched her cheek to stop her. “Only if you want to. ”

  She gave me a look of love and nudged her face into my hand. “I want to. I promise. I wouldn’t if I didn’t. ” And then she wrapped her sweet mouth around me, and I groaned.

  “Jesus, that feels incredible,” I murmured.

  She pumped at my base with one hand and ran her tongue around the tip, then sucked me deeper, backed away, and bobbed down again. I had my hand tangled in her hair, and I made sure to keep my touch light, pressure free, so she’d know this was all about what she wanted to do. She bobbed on me, taking me deeper into her mouth with every motion, and it was all I could do to hold back, to keep from thrusting against her. I leaned back in the seat, clutching the steering wheel with desperate strength as she slowed on me, leaving only the tip in her mouth and sucking hard, massaging the base.

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  “Oh, god,” I murmured. “I’m—I’m right there…please don’t stop. I’m coming…oh Jesus…” I had to stop driving then.

  When I told her I was coming, she slid her lips around me and took me deeper than ever, so deep I felt her throat muscles clench around me and I wasn’t sure why she wasn’t gagging, and I then I felt myself release in a rush of heat and throbbing wonder. She took it all, and her throat muscles moved in a swallowing motion, drawing me to even harder spastic shudders. I came so hard it felt like a nuclear explosion inside me, and she milked it all from me, sucking and moving on me until all the juddering, wracking shivers had stopped.

  She straightened and wiped her mouth with her palm, smiling shyly at me. I leaned over and kissed her so hard we both pulled away a couple minutes later panting and breathless.

  “Does that mean you liked it?”

  I wasn’t even sure how to respond. “Liked it? God, Becca, that was…amazing. Beyond amazing. I can’t believe you did that. ”

  “I didn’t know what I was doing, so I was just hoping it was okay for you. ”

  I laughed at the idea that she could doubt herself. “Baby, it was the best thing ever. Seriously. Thank you. ”

  “The best thing ever?” She frowned at me, a cute pout on her lips. “Better than making love to me?”

  “No, god no. Just…different. ” I brushed her cheekbone with my thumb. “Anything you do is the best. Anything with you. Did you mind doing that? Did it, like, make you gag?”

  She ducked her head, embarrassed. “A little. Not enough to really bother me. I liked how much you seemed to enjoy it. ” She buckled up, and I started driving again. “Maybe I’ll do that the next time I’m on my period and we can’t have sex. ”

  “That would be awesome, but it’s up to you. ”

  “What do you mean?”

  I shrugged. “I’d just feel weird asking you to do that. ”

  She tilted her head and smiled at me. “Why? If I don’t mind doing it and like making you feel good, why should you feel bad asking me to do something for you? If I don’t want to, I’ll just say no, that’s all. I have no compunction about asking you to go down on me, believe me. If you want me to go down on you, just ask. I liked doing that to you. For real. ”

  I stared at her. “How can you be this awesome? Seriously. I’m pretty sure there’s never been
any guy as lucky as me. ”

  “I’m the lucky one,” she said, her voice quiet.

  I shook my head, knowing better than to argue with her.

  For some reason, that Beyonce song about “if you liked it, you should’ve put a ring on it” floated through my head. I knew we weren’t ready for that yet, but the seed was planted. I knew I was the most fortunate man in the human species. There wasn’t another woman like Rebecca de Rosa anywhere in the world, and I sure as hell didn’t want to take a chance on her getting away from me. It wasn’t just how eager and willing she was sexually, though. It was that she loved me, supported me, encouraged me. She got down on me when I wanted to slack off, refused to let me give up. My motivation in life was to be a good enough man for her, worthy of her awesomeness.

  * * *

  Becca

  Jason was moved into my brother’s apartment, which was weird but convenient. My parents had clearly known exactly why Jason hadn’t wanted to stay in their basement, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. I planned to be careful about it, though, because they were still providing me with a budget for living expenses and were paying for my car. I could do without those things if I had to, but they were great to have. I didn’t want to damage my still-fragile relationship with my parents, so I knew I had to tread a fine line when it came to flaunting my relationship with Jason in front of them. Things had gotten better with them as of late, in part because Ben seemed to be doing a lot better. Kate really was good for him, it seemed. They liked Jason as much as they’d ever like anyone. I don’t think they were capable of just being happy for me, but at least they didn’t openly disapprove or try to force us apart. They still thought I should focus on my studies rather than “fooling around with a boy,” as my father had once put it, earning a snicker from me and a hard glare from him. I knew they wanted the best for me, but what they didn’t seem to understand was that what they wanted for me wasn’t the same as what I wanted for me.

  Jason was at the local Powerhouse Gym, which was the first place he’d gone after dropping off his bag of clothes. He’d almost immediately scored a job as a trainer, so he could spend most of the summer at the gym working out and earning money. Since the gym was only a couple miles from Ben’s apartment, Jason decided to walk, run, or bike there, which meant I had his truck. I knew it was big deal for him to let me drive his truck. It wasn’t much, that old truck, but it was the only thing he owned, really, aside from his camera.

  I pulled into the Hawthornes’ driveway and sat for a moment, hoping Nell would be receptive to me this time around. Over the holidays, she’d been silent and withdrawn, and had gotten defensive when I’d tried to bring up Kyle’s death or the way she was coping with it. I don’t think she even really registered my words, just my tone of voice, which had triggered an automatic reaction calculated to push me away. It had worked, and that had been the last time I’d seen her. I had taken six classes in the spring semester, and I’d barely had time to see Jason, much less drive home to see Nell.