Falling into Us Read online

He smiled reassuringly, and showed not one iota of impatience or embarrassment at my stupid stutters and blocks. “It’s fine, Becca. I understand completely. Thanks for sharing that with me. ”

  “You showed me yours, so it’s only fair I show you mine. ” I grinned to play up the double entendre.

  Jason smirked. “True. They do say that turnabout is fair play. ” His hand rose up my side again, inching closer, daring higher.

  “Tit for…tat…” I could barely breathe as he neared my breast. I wanted his hand there again.

  He cupped me through my sweater, and I could breathe again. Then, as if physically tearing himself away, he moved his hand and rested it on my thigh, and my pulse slowly returned to normal. “We should probably go,” he whispered.

  “Yeah, probably. ”

  “I don’t want to, though. ” He buried his face in my hair and sniffed. “You smell good. ”

  I laughed. “Thanks? I don’t want to go, either. I like it here. I can see why this is your favorite spot. ”

  “You should see it in the daytime, when the sun is out. All the way out there,” he waved toward the front of the truck, where the hill fell away into an open field, “is all flowers. It’s beautiful. ”

  “You should bring me here during the day sometime, then. ”

  He nodded. “I will. ” He grinned at me, and I was reminded, apropos of nothing but his smile, how beautiful he really was, his face all hard lines and strong curves and perfect angles, and such green, green eyes. “And anyway, this isn’t my favorite spot anymore. ”

  I wrinkled my brow in confusion, although I had an idea what he was going to say. “It’s not?”

  He shook his head and tightened his grip on me. “This is. You, here, with me. In my arms. ”

  I smiled at him, unable to formulate a response other than to burrow closer to him.

  After a few more minutes, we reluctantly cleaned up our midnight picnic, and I slid off the back of the truck while Jason bungeed the cooler in place again. I settled in the passenger seat of his truck, cranking the volume up on a fast-paced song with a lot of honky-tonk to it. I bounced in my seat, enjoying the fun, light-hearted music and the feeling of happiness welling up so hot and potent inside me.

  Jason drove me home, stopping at the entrance again. “I wish I could just take you home. Walk you to your door and kiss you goodnight. ”

  “Maybe someday,” I said. “I don’t like it, either. You know it’s not that I’m embarrassed by you or anything, right? If I didn’t know for a fact Father would ground me for life and actually lock me in my room at night, I’d tell him about us. Introduce you. ”

  He shrugged. “I know. Just be careful getting home, okay? I’ll wait until you’re in your room. Text me when you’re safe, okay?”

  I opened the truck door, but his hand latched around my wrist and drew me back. He pulled me closer and closer, shoved the console up and out of the way, the Mountain Dew bottle tumbling to the floor. I wrapped my arms around his neck, stuffed my fingers into the stiff, soft spikes of his hair, let myself lead in to the kiss.

  When I was breathless and dizzy, I pulled away.

  “God, Becca. Kissing you is…it’s seriously the best thing ever. ”

  I touched my lips, knowing they were swollen. “It’s dangerous, I think. ”

  “What is?” Jason asked.

  “You and me kissing. ”

  “Why?”

  I met his eyes, let him see all my roiling emotions. “Because I never want to stop. I could kiss you until I suffocate. ”

  He nodded. “Me, too. ” He let go of my wrist, trailed his fingers along my cheekbone and down my jaw. “You’re beautiful, Becca. So beautiful. ”

  I shook my head at him. “You’re ridiculous. But thank you. ”

  He frowned at me as I slid to the ground and held the door in preparation to shut it. “Why am I ridiculous?”

  I shrugged, uncomfortable with discussing my insecurities. “You just are. It’s sweet of you to compliment me, though. ”

  “It’s not a compliment. It’s the truth. ” His gaze shifted a bit, some kind of awareness sneaking into his expression. “Wait. You’re not insecure about yourself, are you?”

  I twisted a curl around my finger and focused on not stuttering. “I’m pretty sure every girl on the planet is insecure about something, Jason. Some just hide it better than others. ”

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  “What could you possibly have to be insecure about?”

  I stared at him, boggled. “What could I—? I’m-I’m—I stutter, for one thing, in c-c-case you haven’t n-noticed. It’s embarrassing. I’m the shortest girl in our class, for another. Plus, I’ve got hips a mile wide, and I’m freaking top-heavy to boot. ” I batted at my loose mop of springy curls. “And my hair looks like I sss-stuck a pair of scissors in a power outlet. ”

  Jason glared at me as if I’d insulted him instead of myself. He shoved his door open angrily, left it wide with the bell dinging, crossed in front of the headlight, and stalked toward me. I wasn’t afraid of him, per se, but the intense, determined look in his eyes and the purposeful gait of his walk intimidated me. I backed away from him, stumbling as the truck door closed behind me. He pinned me against the truck with his body, and his hands landed on the upper bell of my hips.

  “You’re not allowed to talk about yourself like that, Becca. You understand me?” His eyes darkened. “You’re beautiful. You’re sexy. You’re so hot it takes my breath away. I don’t understand how I could have ever seen anyone else before now. Your hips are perfect, and to a guy, ‘top-heavy’ is a good thing, and you are top-heavy in the best possible way. You have an amazing body, Becca. A-maze-ing. And your stutter? It’s just part of who you are to me. It doesn’t bother me. ”

  I buried my face against his chest, sure he was just mollifying me. “And my hair?”

  He tangled his fingers in my hair, burrowing through the curls as if he was scooping up handfuls of gold coins and letting them run through his fingers. Then he twined his fingers through a hank of curls and tugged my head back, gently but inexorably, so I was forced to look at him.

  “I love your hair. ”

  He said the “L” word. About my hair, but he said it.

  And then he kissed me. My toes curled in my pastel-purple Keds. Jesus God, the boy could kiss.

  He let me go after that, and watched me disappear into the trees. I heard the low rumble of his idling engine and saw as I glanced behind me the pale yellow glow of his headlights. I stood at the bottom of the drainpipe, staring at Ben’s window two floors up. There was no way in hell I’d make it up. Getting down was a matter of holding on and letting gravity do its thing. I took a deep breath and focused on the first handhold, nailed through the siding to whatever was beneath it. I grabbed it in both hands and pulled with all my strength. I didn’t even get off the ground.

  I pulled, jumped, strained, cursed, and only managed to get myself sweaty. That was when I realized I was still wearing Jason’s hoodie.

  My phone buzzed in my purse at that moment. I pulled it out and read Jason’s text: Been a few minutes. You back in your room yet?

  I typed my response without thinking about it: No. I climbed down a drainpipe and can’t make it back up. Quit laughing IT’S NOT FUNNY.

  I was still waiting for Jason’s text back and trying to figure out how I was going to get in when I heard a stick snap behind me. I whirled to see Jason gliding toward me from between the trees. He came to stand next to me and stared up the drainpipe that was my current nemesis.

  “That could be a problem. I think I’d have trouble scaling that. ” He put his hand on the pipe and wiggled it, testing it, nodding as if satisfied by its sturdiness. “I could give you a boost?”

  “I don’t know. Then I’d be stuck halfway up. I’m just not strong enough to climb up. ”

  “Do you have a house key?” Jason asked.


  “Well, yeah, but Father sets the alarm at night, and I don’t know the code. ”

  “Then how’d you get out without it going off? Alarm systems usually include windows. ”

  I was stumped. “I don’t know. I didn’t consider that. Maybe Ben disabled his window somehow. ”

  “This is Ben’s window?”

  “Yeah. He’s the one who put those pieces of wood there as hand- and footholds. ”

  Jason examined the pipe again. “Oh, I didn’t see those at first. Clever. ” He grinned at me. “Ben must sneak out a lot then, huh?”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, he does. ”

  “So how does he get back in?”

  I stared at Jason. “Um? I have no clue. I didn’t think about that, either. I’m not very experienced at this whole delinquency thing. ”

  “I guess not,” Jason said, smirking at me. “I’m a bad influence on you, clearly. ”

  “Yeah, maybe a little,” I admitted. “But I like it. I feel free. This was fun. Now, if only I could get back in. ”

  “Does your brother have a cell phone? Could you text him and see if he could help you?” He glanced back at the pipe once more, as if trying to work out some way to get me up it. “I still think you could do it if I gave you a boost. ”

  “You just want an excuse to touch my ass. ” I went to the pipe and grabbed the handhold a few feet above my head, stretching up on my tiptoes to do so.

  Jason sidled up behind me, and my breath caught as his hands grazed over the taut curve of my ass in my jeans. “Do I need an excuse?”

  I twisted my head around to meet his gaze. “Yes, you do. We’re not at the ‘grope Becca’s ass whenever you want’ stage yet, buster, so hands off. ” I tried to keep a serious face, but couldn’t.

  He rested his hands on the swell of my hips, faking a pout. “Fine. Be that way. Deny me the joy of your glorious backside, then. ”

  I gave him a disbelieving look. “Glorious? You really think it’s glorious?”

  He took this as an invitation, which I guess it was, in a way, to resume touching me on the object in question. “Hmmm. Let me see. ” He smoothed his hands over my ass, exploring the expanse of it over the denim. “Yep. That’s for sure the right word. You, my dear, have a glorious ass. ”

  I felt myself blushing, but I didn’t stop his exploration. “I’m glad you think so. ”

  His voice grew serious, and his hands resumed their place at my hips. “Am I…pushing you too fast?”

  I leaned back against him. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I like it—I like it all. I like letting you touch me, but part of me says you shouldn’t. But that’s my parents’ über-conservative upbringing speaking, I think. I like kissing you. I like sneaking out with you. ” I sighed. “I’ve never done anything daring, anything against the rules. I’ve been good my whole life. I like being a little bad with you. ”

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  Jason nodded. “Just—I don’t ever want to pressure you into anything. I just…I always want more of you. I feel greedy, in a way. I just want to kiss you more, and touch you more. Like you said, it’s dangerous. I feel like you’re a drug, and I’m getting addicted to you. ” He pulled my hair away from my jawline and my ear, and pressed a kiss to my skin where jaw met earlobe. “We should get you up there. ”

  He knelt down and made a cradle with his laced-together hands. I hesitated, then put my foot in his hand and held on to his shoulder with one hand and the drainpipe with the other. Jason gave a whispered count to three and then lifted me up. I had to stifle a squeal as I was rocketed into the air. I bypassed the first handhold, balancing precariously with one foot in his hand.

  “Stand on my shoulders,” Jason instructed. I shifted my weight carefully, holding on to the drainpipe with both hands, and then found myself standing on Jason’s shoulders. The window was closer now, but still far away.

  “I’m still not close enough,” I said. “The other hold is still a few feet farther up. ”

  Jason moved beneath me, widening his stance. He grabbed hold of my ankles and glanced up at me. “Okay, you’re gonna stand on my hands. ”

  “Are you crazy? You can’t hold my weight with just your arms! I’ll break you in half!”

  Jason snorted. “You’re a freaking feather, here. Quit arguing and do it. I’ll be fine. I won’t let you fall. I promise. ” He lifted one of my ankles and slid his flattened palm under my foot, then straightened his arm so my leg was bent double beneath me. “Now stand up on that foot and then lift the other as soon as you can. Hold on to the pipe for balance. If you feel yourself falling, let it happen. I swear to you I’ll catch you. ”

  I swallowed hard, felt my breathing quicken and my heartbeat churn into a pounding frenzy. “I’m scared, Jason. ”

  “I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen. I promise. Now, on three. Ready? One…two…three!” On three, I pushed up off his shoulders, felt his arms stiffen beneath me, and then my other leg was straightening and his hand was there beneath my foot and I was standing on his hands, twelve feet or so above the ground.

  My heart was thudding in my chest, blood pulsing in my ears. I wobbled, and Jason adjusted, and then I was steady. I had the pipe in hand, and then there was the foothold right there at belly level. I grabbed the pipe as far above my head as I could and pulled with all my might, scrabbling at the wall to gain purchase. I felt a moment of panic when Jason’s hands fell away and I was on my own, clinging to the wall. Then, miraculously, my feet found the wooden bar and I was slowly, shakily, rising to my feet.

  “Holy shit,” I breathed. I looked down at Jason, which was a mistake. “Holy sh-shit! I did it!”

  “I knew you could, Beck. Now, just a bit farther. Open the window?”

  I pushed at it, but only got it open a few inches. “It’s stuck. ” I tapped on the glass with a fingernail, and then within a few moments Ben’s face was at the window.

  He seemed shocked, half-asleep, just standing there, blinking at me in confusion, and then he sprang into action. He pulled the window open and grabbed me under my arms and tugged me through the window. “Damn, Becca. You scared the blue shitting Jesus out of me. ”

  I tumbled to the thick-pile carpeting face first, feet still hanging out the window with my supposedly glorious ass sticking in the air. I righted myself and stuck my head out the window, waving to Jason. He waggled his phone in the air at me, mouthing call me before vanishing into the trees.

  I turned back to Ben. “Did you just say ‘blue shitting Jesus’?”

  He grinned at me. “Yep. Turns out Jesus shits blue. Who knew?” He shrugged as if it was a great secret demystified.

  I laughed and shoved him playfully. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me it was so hard to climb back up?”

  He shrugged. “Guess it didn’t occur to me. It doesn’t seem hard to me anymore. But then, I’ve been doing it for a while. ”

  “I don’t think I’d have been able to get back in without Jason’s help,” I said.

  “Have fun?”

  I nodded, not wanting to spoil the wonder of my night by talking about it with my stoner brother. “It was great. I’m beat, though, gonna go to bed. ” I tossed Ben’s backpack on his bed. “Turns out we didn’t drink any of it. We had plenty of fun without it. ”

  Ben fished the bottle out of the bag, then twisted the cap off and took a long slug, swallowing without so much as a wince. “More for me. ” He tossed the backpack on the ground, lay back on the bed, and took another long slug. “’Night, Beck. ”

  I hesitated at the door, watching him as he took a third drink, by which point the bottle was emptied past the neck, nearly to the top of the label. “Are you sure you should—”

  “’Night, Beck. ” He repeated it more forcefully, clearly closing the topic of his drinking.

  I left, my gut heavy with worry. He’d shifted from happy to upset so fast, and he’d downed nearly a qua
rter of a fifth of whiskey within minutes, acting as if he’d done it frequently. By the time I’d tiptoed to my bedroom, stripped down to T-shirt and panties, and snuggled into my bed, I’d forgotten Ben. I had Jason on the brain, his hands skimming my hips, his lips touching mine, devouring mine.

  My last thought was how I’d manage to sneak out to see him as often as I’d want to.

  FIVE: Fight Night

  Jason

  The following Monday

  Becca had texted me a few times over the weekend, but we hadn’t managed to see each other. I’d asked, but she’d claimed her dad was acting suspicious so she had to lie low. As for me, weekends were the worst. Dad usually had weekends off unless something big came up, which meant I had to keep busy to stay away from him. Usually I stayed in my room, studying, or in the basement working out. This weekend, I didn’t manage to keep out of his way quite enough. He’d tied on a real bender Sunday, mixing in a case of beer with his two fifths of Jack. I’d worked out, done my homework, and had tried sneaking into the kitchen for some lunch. Bad plan. I was pretty sure he’d bruised a few ribs and loosened a tooth, but I’d fought him off enough that he’d gone back to his booze and Band of Brothers marathon.

  Why he tortured himself with war movies, I’d never figured out, but he was always meanest when he was in those moods. I’d taken my lunch and eaten it in my room. Dinner hadn’t happened till after one-thirty in the morning after he was passed out.

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  I wasn’t in the greatest mood by the time school came around Monday morning. I’d had my kisses with Becca running through my mind all weekend, and that was all that had gotten me through those days. But when I saw her between classes, she’d barely given me a smile and hurried on her way. I’d stewed on that the rest of the afternoon, wondering if she was regretting us already.

  She found me at my locker again before class. “Sorry I couldn’t get out to see you this weekend,” she said, sliding up next to my side.

  I shrugged. “Are you okay?”

  She frowned. “Yeah, why?”

  “You barely even looked at me when I saw you between classes earlier. ”

  “I’m just always stressed right then. I’ve got classes on complete opposite sides of the school, and I’ve got to go through A hallway, which is a traffic jam, so I’m always running just to be there on time. ”

  I felt better. “Oh. That makes sense. ”